As The World Fell In Love With Me You Fell Out Of So It Seemed.

DA DA DA DA DA DE DE DE DE DE DE…………

I know you’re waiting in the wings I welcome you my stranger
We live like rats anyway so this moment I must savor
If you could only touch me
And feel what I am feeling
Scars form like Braille on my hands
Moving like maggots when I try to reveal them
I am only scared because
I myself am scary
If it wasn’t for the roaches in the wall there’d be
No one
Who could
Stand me
I see you there alone and just waiting
I welcome you as a friend do please do not
Betray me
I am only scared because
I myself am scary
Just do what we agreed and
Beat my
Brains
In I am only scared because
I myself am scary
I am I am
Extraordinary
I am extraordinary
I am extraordinary
I am extraordinary
Well I am
I am
I am extraordinary
I am extraordinary
I am extraordinary
Well I am
I am
I am extraordinary
I am extraordinary
I am extraordinary
Well I am
I am
I am extraordinary
I am extraordinary
I am extraordinary
Well I am
I am

Not lost.

Tomorrow I must sit in a room on an uncomfortable chair while some sorry ass is paid to listen to my feelings and evaluate my life they know nothing about.

I don’t want this………………

Im so very sorry that im not what you want me to be, Im so very sorry that I let you all down.

I’ve never been good at making myself happy so I try to make you all happy but according to a lot of you im failing at that also. I don’t think I will ever be the man my father wants me to be nor the boy my mum loved, Some say im ruining my life others think im the trash they don’t want, to me im just trying to be me whatever that is I do not know. I have my hobbies and my loves but you all tell me im worthless why? why? why? do you not think I know this. I don’t think im better then anyone I know this and you know this.

Im not one to make someone else’s life hell, so why do others do it to me? I don’t hate anyone, all of you that think I hate you read this because to be honest if i dislike you in anyway at all then your not a factor in my life and you don’t affect me you are nothing to me I have no hate for you, you are nothing, I have enough self doubt I can’t push that on someone else.

If you don’t like the way I am, the way I act, The way I look, then tell me productively not negatively because you telling me im a cunt or im a piece of shit isn’t helping me and unless you get kicks out of putting someone else down then it isn’t helping you either. If im an ass to you say yo I don’t like the way you are because…….and then we can sort something out.

Im nobody to be scared of, Im nobody to look up to, Im nobody to hate on, Im nobody to love. Im just a guy that does what he does because for those few seconds of skateboarding or music theres a spark inside me that makes me happy and makes waking up tomorrow slightly better than ending it all.

Well to be honest Im sure none of this made any sense and Im sure I will receive more haters than ever over this.

Goodbye cruel world.

SoGood.

HeartShapedBox.

Wicked Game.

I perform social suicide on a day in day out basis.

Friday night i hesitated to go out after going to the movies. I really wish i hadn’t gone out i had no money but people said they would shout me some drinks. I had about 10 max within 4 hours and i started sweating and shaking i was fucking scared, I sat outside Aluhmbra and tried to sober up because i couldn’t walk very well i got some water then ended up throwing up straight fluid for about 5 mins then i was trying to get my head straight when an ambulance drove past and decided they would check me out, they sat me in the car and tested blood pressure and all the rest and asked me questions about wether i had taken any drugs, and i can happily say i didn’t take anything. The paramedics told me i could either go to hospital with them and get checked out or get a taxi home because i could still remember everything and there was no sign i was on drugs or drunk. I came to the conclusion that my drink had been spiked because i was sweating and when i was throwing up i was almost having a fit which scared the shit out of me. Fuck i don’t know what to make of this but im scared because this has never happened to me. I think my drinking will be less for a few weeks now im still sore and tired and don’t feel 100% and its sunday! fuck i did nothing wrong and got dealt the shit hand.

Fun fact no.1
I lost my heart today, I saw death, she walked straight past me.
My hearts on the floor and like you care but im not yours anymore.